Have you ever experienced the feeling of being broken? You cry all day… all night… and even if you get tired of crying, your tears still seems to enjoy getting out of your puffy soaked eyes.
The feeling of saying the words: “Nobody understands me. Nobody cares. ” Feeling desperate and all, until you feel like listening to music – opened your laptop, ipod or play any instrument and guess what? You played a more heart-broken themed song. You play a loop of love songs that makes you wanna cry again (more than what you’ve already cried) – a sudden nod there huh? Relate? You’re not alone – we all cry, we all feel pain and we all act stupid when this sort of things happen. It’s all normal and here’s one proof:
Well, let me share a story about a girl named Viola –Spoiled as they say because they treated her as a baby, probably because she’s the only girl in the family and she’s the youngest among four siblings (not until their dog came who is treated like a baby too. haha) Anyway, back to serious business… Viola felt the love she ever wanted from her family. Buy her stuff even if she doesn’t need it but want it – clothes, shoes, makeup, etc. She thought this is what you call love. Not gonna ask for more.
When Viola got herself into college, she met a lot of people and met this guy. A guy named Whilom. He made her feel more special, someone who does things for her, someone who made her feel more of a princess than a baby. She thought: “It’s nice to get this feeling from a guy who’s not my brother. Maybe this is the real love”. She liked the feeling and somehow enjoyed it; she doesn’t have any idea on these kinds of things, but because of peer pressure… she said yes when the guy pursued her. As time goes by, Viola sometimes forgets giving time for Whilom. They seldom see each other and talk because of their studies. Then one day, Viola realized she’s still not ready to give in to these kinds of relationships, and she realized that this is not love. To cut the story short, they broke up. Maybe she cried a little… no one knows, but not broken. She decided to live her life with her friends and be contented with the love she gets from her family. In the long run, she dedicated herself to music.
She loved music than anything else, another love she experienced. Mingling with her “music friends”, she didn’t notice falling from another love. One guy she always talk to with her problems, a guy who listens to her even if sometimes she’s being random on her opinions and stories, a guy who made her feel more of a queen rather than a princess. This time, she felt good about it. Not just enjoying the feeling but really loving it. The only problem is… they’re just friends. This guy’s name is Eli. He loves music like Viola does, they love going out with each other, sharing stories, exchanging ideas and Viola loved the feeling of being special whenever she’s with him. This is the guy who made her feel that it’s okay to let go of the things she treasured the most, because just by being with him, she got everything. As the year passes through, their music clings together. There’s no better match than what they have. Her music flies like an angel while his music opens the heaven’s gate. Now, this is what she called “Love”. Then the day came for them to feel mutual, only they knew what really happened. What we only knew is… they hold each other’s hand and be contented with each other’s company.
They play the music of love. Then danger came, they made their own world. They became inseparable –loving someone is not a sin, but loving someone too much is. They keep each other safe and secure with what they call commitment, but they forgot something important – someone important. The one who suppose to earn the music that bound them together (God). After some time, their relationship became more and more difficult. They even got choke to some responsibilities like too much work or too much school loads. Something’s not right here, why all of a sudden; their great love story starts to fall down little by little. They still continue what they have even if they’re already loosing focus. After a long battle… they end up broken.
Viola felt the pain with every single vein she has. Her music became broken as she is. She lost every talent she has. Say no to practice because she might see Eli. She kept the pain and made a broken melody. Played a loop of love songs that made her eyes lit up with tears, she knows it will hurt her more, but she still keeps on listening. (I’m not saying that listening to this sort of music can’t help you ease the pain. In fact, they help. It gives comfort to anyone who suffers from pain. Have you ever heard of the phrase “Love the shame, ease the pain” – by freely embracing the situation, you’ll get used to it and then you can easily let go of the pain you feel) Maybe because she can really relate to what the lyrics say, or she can’t stop listening to music because it’s the only thing left of him in her. I sometimes do it as well and until now, I don’t know why. But I tell you, crying with something on the background somehow does help. It pours out emotion and let you relax after. Maybe that’s it, we really don’t know.
…and, because Eli is now out of the picture, Viola gets a lot of time to spend with her family and friends. Sometimes she’s still hurting, especially whenever she sees Eli. They still play music together, but this time… it’s for a certain person who really deserves it. Both of them had more time to spend practicing for music. Something they took for granted when they still hold each other. – Sometimes God take something away from us to see what we’re missing. He take away what blocks our way to see what we’re taking for granted. He needs to take that person away from us to polish them and be a better person. When that time comes, we have to let go. As it is said on one of the blogs I often read:
“Even if the person you love tells you that she’s yours, she’s not. She belongs to God. And if you hold on tightly to her even when she’s meant to fly, you will not only ruin her – you will ultimately cripple her from what God designed her to be.” – h3sean.com
– We only borrow all things from God; when we borrow something and didn’t return it, it might be taken away with force and never let you borrow anything again. We suppose to give it back when He claims it. Let go and let God polish it. You’ll never know, maybe God wants that person to be good enough to be the best person for you… and as He polish him, he’ll do the same to you. He won’t let us have garbage or 2nd best. He wants us to have the best! Now, this is what you call a real love.
Pol is a 25 years old single mom, clayist, band vocalist and OPM enthusiast. She also likes art, skin tattoos and photography – learned some of it. Now, she’s currently working for a company as a Social Media Specialist. To know more about her, you could go to her website: www.saliwngmusika.com