My Own Memoir of Anxiety

Anxiety. This is one of the major topics that I love in Psychiatric Nursing when I was in college, but it feels different when you’re the one experiencing it.

I received a text message yesterday and I am starting to worry after reading it. I felt vague and unsettling, signs and symptoms of a mild anxiety.  Racing heartbeats, butterfly in the stomach. (Somehow similar with the feelings when you see your crush. Now,  can you relate?)

I know I’m worrying too much. And maybe it’s a part of being human but if I didn’t respond in a right way, I it can lead to Anxiety Disorder, it can be a common disorder but it is still an unpleasant mental state wherein there’s inability to function in a healthy way.

WHAT IS ANXIETY?

In the dictionary, Anxiety means a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
In other words, FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
We are all afraid of the unknown to some degree or another
I will not go into details regarding types, causes or treatment or other medical explanation. You can always ask Google about it.
What I want you to remember is that
Anxiety Disorder aren’t just a matter of FEAR itself. The key component is what we do to get rid of that fear.
This blog post is inspired by the series of events that makes me anxious and how my PERSPECTIVE changed how I view Anxiety.  
I QUIT MY JOB, WHAT NOW?
Another life transition for me and I know, it’s fragile. It takes a lot of forces to make a rapid changes especially that I had that job for years. The thought of it makes me miss my work friends and now it’s happening.

Aside from that,  job is more than just the way I make a living. It give structure, purpose, and meaning. That’s why unemployment is one of the most stressful things that a person can experience.

Loss of income

Loss of professional identity
Loss of self-esteem and self-confidence
Loss of daily routine
Loss of purposeful activity
Loss of work-based social network and lastly,
Loss of sense of security.
I indulged myself with those thoughts and feel the depression a week after I submitted my resignation letter. I am certainly sure that I wanted to leave, but I do not know where to go and what’s waiting for me.
But it’s a different story when you know what to hoped for and where to put your faith.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Heb. 11:1)
I always thank God for His word. Now, I’m taking chance to reflect on what I want and rethink my career priorities. Maybe this situation made me stronger. I’m sure to find something of value.
Days passed, I stop wallowing in self pity.
I acknowledged that these emotions are normal. I have every right to be upset, so I accept my feelings and go easy on myself.
I took a vacation and went to Davao. Enjoyed the nature and the amazing creation made by the Divine Artisan.
MOVING ON
Like relationship breakups, I have to move on. Taking actions will help me feel more in control of the situation. I may never know what opportunities will arise, but that makes me trust God even more. Plus, the outpouring support of my family pleasantly surprise me. Simple words of sympathy and encouragement is a huge boost in this not-so-good time.
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT ANXIETY?
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
There are three key words in these verses: Anxious, prayer and, peace. Being anxious is the problem we are told to put off; prayer is the procedure we are told to practice; peace is the product we are promised by God.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  (John 14:27)

He spoke those comforting, and powerful words the night before His crucifixion – the most difficult night He’s here on earth, . God is called either the God or Lord of peace. That peace can be the constant experience of every Christian, even in the midst of trials.To experience God’s peace instead of anxiety, pray with thankfulness about every concern in every situation.

Do you have God’s peace in the midst of situations that the world gets anxious about? If not, examine yourself: Is your faith in Him and your focus on His kingdom? Have you drawn near to God?

You can put your full weight down on Him, and He will bear you up and give you His indescribable peace.

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I Will Remember You

Fade

To a friend I never thought I’d have, this is a not-so-short appreciation letter to express how you’ve been a blessing to my life.

I do not remember exactly how the two of us became close friends. I just knew that you’re a cool person and fun to be with. I can still remember when you call me Audrey. I will always be grateful for that start and for all the memories that followed after. (I had an attempt to list the highlights of our friendship using the images I had on Facebook and Instagram as reference BUT it’s a lot! so, never mind.)

Pictures, food, coffee, food, “rolling in the deep”, food, games, music, food, Instagram, food, coffee, yep!  mostly food. hahaha! Things we bond and do together.

THANK YOU

Thank you for making work more enjoyable for me.
Thank you for always being the supportive friend that you are.
Thank you for the advices, devotional talk or keep me company. You don’t know how uplifting your words of encouragement and support are.

Thank you for always believing in me during the times I myself forget to. For giving small rewards and appreciation even in little things – like blogging. You would always cheer me up and give me those inspirational talks when I’m having a hard time at work, with people, or with myself. That means a lot to me simply because they come from someone whose thoughts and opinions I treasure and value.

Thank you for noticing whenever something’s bothering me. Your gift of discernment is amazing!

Thank you for trusting me by confiding in me your problems. Opening up, showing me your vulnerability, and trusting me your secrets.

SORRY

I am sorry if in any way, I offended you.

For some issues that my mind is still reeling and hasn’t quite settled with my questions in life. Sorry for overthinking.

 

I end up writing mostly about you. Why? Because I want you to know this is how I will remember you.

1. An Oracle.
You’re a person with great knowledge and wisdom. It’s both blessing and curse, right? ; ) But next to Google, when I have questions, I will definitely ask you because I know you have answers or at least something to say.

It amazes me whenever you’re sharing something (may it be from the book or blog that you’ve read) and telling your opinion about it.

We have differences and similarities in our point of views, which will bring me to number 2.

2. You know how to listen.
Despite of differences, you respect other’s opinion. You have the ability to make other people feel calm and accepted in your presence.  I am not sure if it is genuine though. hahaha! You often notice all the things other people seem to miss and you seek understanding for the logic and motivation behind how people behave.

You want to understand a person from every angle.

3. You think before you speak. You even pray before you utter what’s on your mind the last time, remember? : )

4. You can read people
You have an inherent sense about people and understand what they want or what they’re thinking without them having to say anything directly about it.

5. You pay attention to details

6. Sense of Humor
Your humor shows the ability to see the complexity in any given situation. Fast and witty.

7. Friendly
I know I’m friendly, but you go the extra mile of getting along with people whom I don’t noticed in my everyday life. Through you, I have met the baristas in Starbucks. I learned to thank them with their names. I have been friends with the manong guards in the village whom you always say hi’s nd hello’s

8. Your body language. Your jaw line + “don’t come near me” look when you’re mad, you’re dancing when you’re happy

9. Hates cucumber and Eggplant. And loves Tinola. (just additional info) 😀

10. A person who learns from mistake and who’s willing to face all the consequences.
Brave and at the same time it sound stupid. Especially when you know that it can harm you. You still do it any way. BUT in control. (I wondered about so many things about you after learning so much about you)

11. A person who will die because of bicycle. (another additional info)

12. A Love Guru
You have different categories or ways of falling in love.

13. Loved by God.
NO MATTER WHAT : ) And I still want to be your friend, no matter what.

Btw, Forgive me for the drama. You’re one of the person I will miss the most. These memories and prayers are all I have left of you.

I genuinely hope that you find all the happiness you deserve.

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